Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Wealth ... and guilt

Madam X has not blogged in a while. Why? Because life gets busy, because I wasn't sure anyone was reading this blog. And because I didn't know if anyone really cares what a millionaire has to say during these tough financial times.

But I want to address something that's been bugging me lately. And probably bugging a number of wealthy people, if they have any conscience. And that's guilt.

Yes, I feel guilty. I feel guilty because, despite the fact I feel I've earned my own fortune through hard work and talent, I'm also aware that there are many other hardworking people out there who are struggling and not enjoying the privileges I have.

I recently returned from a prolonged vacation to a country where the average citizen makes a bare fraction of what the average American makes. Some friends joined us on this trip -- friends whose net worth is about twenty times what I'm worth. They're worth about, oh, two hundred million dollars. They made their fortune through their own ingenuity and hard work -- in other words, they invented something that's used everywhere in today's digital age. Their wealth was definitely not inherited, and both of them came from struggling backgrounds. Now they've got more money than they ever dreamed they'd have. And they suffer from guilt. Just as I do.

So what do we do with this guilt? We tip. Exorbitantly. There we were, in a country where many people don't even have running water, and we felt compelled to leave large sums of money wherever we went. This despite the fact we are, at heart, penny pinching Yankees.

But sometimes I wonder whether we end up looking like crass American buffoons because of this.

One day, my husband and I took a 5-mile hike and got stranded in a very poor village in the middle of nowhere. We thought there'd be taxis, but couldn't find a single one. So we asked a local man where to find a taxi. He hailed some friends over, a group of friendly young men in a car, and they cheerfully made room for us in their already over-crowded car. Though we could hardly communicate, due to the language barrier, they managed to drive us back to where our car was parked, and let us off. In gratitude, we handed these nice young men the equivalent of $40 -- a fortune for them, but we were so happy not to have to hike back those 5 miles, so it was worth it to us.

Judging by their expressions, they were both astonished -- and perhaps a bit insulted. They had offered us this ride out of sheer friendliness, and we had somehow turned it into a financial transaction.

Afterwards, I felt badly. We had robbed them of the pleasure of simply being kind to foreign visitors. On the other hand, I wanted to show my gratitude, and money was the only way I could think of doing it.

So what's the answer? I don't know. We want to show our gratitude, yet we feel we're somehow insulting people who just want to show us kindness. This is something that bothers me. I don't know how to handle it. I feel guilty for having so much -- indeed, I feel guilty sometimes for just being American, considering how much of the world is hungry.